The Problem of Impressionability in Self Development
Broadly, there are two different methods of self-development - slow and fast. The slow method is tedious, intrinsic, difficult, and full of challenges and multiple failures. On the other hand, the fast method is, as the name suggests, fast, extrinsic, and easier to adopt. But the former because of its internal characteristic is long-lasting and really works wonders in the long run.
The fast method entails that you adopt the identity of someone else who excels at something you fail at. Suppose you are not good at negotiations but you desperately need good results. What to do? Look at yourself in the mirror, imagine you are Harvey Spectre from Suits and do what Harvey does the best - close the deal. You might succeed in the short run but this is not self-development. You abandoned yourself right before the main challenge and the person who succeeded was someone else. When you masquerade as someone and succeed, you abandon your development.
The slow method is the only real method of self-development. It starts with acceptance. You first have to accept that you suck in some fields and then consciously start working on improving yourself. If you suck at conveying ideas, learn to speak slowly, use common words, create a structure to your thoughts and practice speaking. Don’t go into your next meeting thinking you are Steve Jobs unveiling iPhone. Be yourself and try and fail. You will fail that’s for sure. You will once, twice, ten times, or maybe even twenty times. But it’s the real you who is facing the bullets and hence you will learn and develop yourself.
Self-development is synonyms with meditation. Rather than making sense of the external noise, you need to get rid of the noise inside of you. Clear your thoughts, have control over yourself, and then only you can start developing.
The hustle culture which is prevalent in social media promotes the fast method. We see Tweets and Instagram stories from so-called “successful people” and the general premises of their posts revolve around working hard for years, even on the weekends and holidays. To some degree, it is true that you need to work hard to achieve your goals but then there is also an element of luck. But what such posts don’t show is that being rich and having a good career does not mean that you are successful. Being in a healthy relationship with your family and friends, and just being healthy mentally and physically are also essential elements of a successful life. And most of these entrepreneur-turned-social-media-influencers live miserable lives that they hide from their followers.
Constantly seeing such posts are highly impressionable on us to such an extent that our happiness our controlled by the ideals set by these posts. “You are relaxing on the weekend while I am working hard and making money. You will die poor”. You see hundreds of variants of this post and you are destined to be unhappy even while relaxing. Like many others, I have also felt prey to them and lost my mental happiness for a couple of months. But luckily we have an unfollow button on Twitter and Instagram :)
Self-development is a long journey that can get monotonous and difficult. But that is the rule of life - when things get hard, you grow. Don’t try to imitate others. You are you. Just be yourself and accept who you are and start working on improving yourself. Don’t adopt the personality of others. Carve your own personality. You will carve your own happiness.